Sunday Apr 4 @ 02:02am

Never have I ever feel truly fucking beautiful with all the pimples on my face.
Flaws are beautiful but society is grown and fixed and told and taught to what is and isn’t beautiful that it’s slowly molding my perspective of what is and isn’t beautiful into their perspective of beauty
Because
What if I am truly far from being beautiful?

Saturday Mar 3 @ 01:12am
Love is a leap of faith but lately I haven’t been much of a believer anymore X Thursday Mar 3 @ 06:58pm
Sudden midnight thoughts

Sometimes we lose ourselves in life, struggling to get a solid grip on reality, not wanting to dissolve into the never-ending trail of dark thoughts, played in our minds like an infinite loop of movie, over & over again.

In the end, we are our own devils. Our own nightmares, our own enemies. We grew up thinking the monsters underneath our bed are just figments of our imaginations as a child - non existent - when really, they’re in us.

They’re in us all.

Monsters dont live under your bed,

Monsters live inside your head.

In the end, we figured it out. Realization struck.

We are our own monsters - in the worst form possible.

Cleanse your thoughts, cleanse your soul.

When it shall guide you to the right path.

That’s why surrounding yourself in positivity is the most powerful mantra one could ever think of for the soul.

Have a beautiful insight about life, write a book, write a journey of your life when you have the free time - make free time.

They always say, find a change for the world.

Be the change to the world.

Society plays a huge role to the world. Life, is really the big question. What is the purpose of life?

What if the purpose of life is to give it a purpose?
Love.

When will the ones full of hatred justify their actions by giving out their love? It is a simple act of kindness, which is rarely performed. Humans. It is a gift from God to be able to love, give love or potray an action based purely on love.

When the cost of living is paid by love, then will the world find true peace. Money. The root of evil. The power one could gain from simple printed, coloured papers with digits on them made out of machines in factories which happens to be one of human’s greatest modern technology. The evils one could do JUST to gain wealth. Wealth = power.

It is pretty ironic, yeah. We create things to create things, that became the root of evil. We are blessed with the minds that is capable of creating such wonders, that unfortunately causes havoc or war.

Life, it’s a funny thing.

Monday Aug 8 @ 11:56pm
Admired from afar

A sudden fascination towards tattoos, knowing that each individual who inked themselves definitely has a story behind it. It’s their own way of art, of expressing their creativity, of speaking out for themselves that’s engraved on their skin, or their soul, as a whole.

The most wonderful fact about it that I find is that they get to carry that creativity with them wherever they go, always being with them no matter what they do, where they go, never fading away. It is a part of their body.

Meanings behind it is simply a secret message that only they would understand completely without doubts, frets. It’s a part of who they are. Especially when someone get themselves inked with meaningful quotes, tats are only as cool as the meanings behind them. It’s like a rule or line they live by or live up to, something that symbolizes who they really are.

Or when a person’s life goes uphill by fortune, they’re forever & always reminded of who they truly are. Never letting materials, society, the amount of money in their bank account, or whatsoever shape them into someone who they promised themselves they’ll never end up to be. Just imagine how they would wake up every single day in the morning, making their way to shower, freshen up & take a good look at themselves while they’re nude. Eyes shift quickly to those inspirational quotes on themselves. Something only they would fathom deeply. Admirable.

It is truly beautiful

Thursday Feb 2 @ 11:10pm
-

Hi World of Tumblr, Ive been away for too long. Rarely updating - wait, never updating my Tumblr already. There’s too much to say, too much to talk about. I’ve been neglecting all of my blogs & it’s definitely time to get back up on my feet again. Words & pictures, personal thoughts basically & inspirations hoping someone would be able to relate? To get motivated? Inspired? You tell me.

& there I go again. Mumbling, writing incoherently. Well not exactly incoherent cause then you’d have to be there to actually listen to my mumblings. I’m really just typing out whatever that little voice in my head’s telling me. How ironic, without that specific little voice in your head you won’t be able to read any of this. In fact, ANY words in the world that you fathom according to the dialects you’re most familiar with. It’s like your brain talking. Whispering to you & only to you, you yourself & just.. You. It actually makes you wonder. Based on whatever that little voice in your head tells you to do, you do. It could be bad & it could be for the worse either. Psychological issues, I might say.

People would do crazy, bad things based on their own personal beliefs. It could be from the influence of a person they so very admire/desire/despise, you name it. The world is a funny thing.

Is it what the world does to people, or what the people does to the world?

It is definitely something to ponder about. Whether you’re brushing your teeth after you’ve woke up while you’re staring at your very own reflection, it’s extremely wonderful how your very brain starts creating scenarios on it’s own, or replaying you scenes of the past, the history.

Let it be, the scenes that hurt you.

Pains you to the depths of the core, to your very soul. Emotionally, or somehow physically, bruised. It could be the one where you either found out a tragic news of a lost of a soul who is either your family or anyone closely related - peace be showered upon them by the Almighty & let they be leading to the right path up above - or probably, something you saw which has the potential ability to disturb anyone emotionally? Traumatized, yes. Rape cases? Brutal murder where you unfortunately had to witness it either at a very young age or just witness it with your naked eyes? Probably isn’t capable of doing anything to stop it with all your might as both of your hands were tied by a rope that was too strong to break behind your back & just.. Completely useless? Or the partner whom you thought forever would be spent with & cherish each other’s love for eternity broke your heart, your utter soul, your dreams & thoughts & whatsoever shattered into tiny, sharp splinters that was too agonizing to even pick up even after you’ve mustered all your will?

It’s a very strange thing, pain. What it does to most people.

Thursday Nov 11 @ 08:14pm

I let go because you gave up.

I tried my best.

There wasn’t a point in holding on anymore.

Accepting that things change, & life goes on.

Easier said than done, I’m betting on it.

Sunday May 5 @ 01:03pm

I always wanted to know why, why the sudden change of heart & perspective? Why the sudden change of person? Why come back a few months ago? I know I fucked up to the point where I’ve completely lost myself, completely lost who I always thought I wouldn’t be. That’s why you should guard your heart above everything else, because when you’ve lost it you’d do anything to forget about things. Forget about those feelings that once made you so happy. x

Sunday May 5 @ 12:57pm
Just pouring out what’s on my mind right now..

Rarely updating with the recent happenings, etc

I just turned 16, if that’s so much of a hoohaa

Not as sweet, if you’re wondering.

Nevertheless, grateful that I’m still breathing. Having a roof over my head. Healthy. Comfortable. Educated.

I’m trying my very best to look at things optimistically despite my decisions that I’ve made just recently. I wish to exercise more often than before, I usually slack off &procrastinate even more than keeping up with my wishlists. Sad case, guess it just runs in the veins.. :( I’ve got to stop making so many excuses for myself.

Or the reasons for my happiness? …If that makes any sense at all.

I’ve also learned that one should never make someone their happiness. You never know how wrong &messed up things could end up to be. I mean, if you want to believe, then by all means, believe.

Have some faith.

That things would turn out just about alright with that significant other, perhaps? We fall, we get back up with both feet rooted to the ground. No worries, you can make it one day. You’ll forget about it all. Memories last, but it just doesn’t go much more from then on. What remains in the past, stays there. No matter how cliche it is, keep moving forward, never looking back. I wouldn’t say to "learn from your mistakes".

No.

Not everything from the past could be a mistake. If it’s a mistake, one has to regret it. It’s natural for someone to be clouded with regret after each mistakes done in life. But not all heartbreaks are mistakes, you see. Not all mistakes made are caused by heartbreaks. So you can’t actually say you’ve regretted it. I mean,

you were happy for awhile right?

It’s basically unexplainable. The feeling. That really safe feeling you get when you’re, you know. With that significant other, I guess? You feel like all your deepest darkest secrets are all safe with them. Like you just know that they’re understanding enough to not.. Judge. Yeah. &being naked with them, you just know it was the right person to trust your whole life - your whole heart with, actually. Oh wait, by naked, I don’t mean, literally naked. Oh no. Anyone could just stripped down with a swift move of their hands just as easily.. No, that is not naked.

Naked as in.. Opening up.

Telling them everything. Like your personal thoughts, that you never bothered sharing to anyone else. They’re not just secrets, just.. Thoughts. It could be any thoughts. Random ones. Happy ones. The depressing ones. The ones about your family, even. Everything.

I know it’s easier said than done, the term to move forward into the future. But you’ve really gotta try. You gotta be careful, you see. In that split second of even glancing behind could just ruin it. Ruin the perfect facade you’ve put on. That wall you built? Yeap. If you’re not careful enough, it’ll just come tumbling down, brick by brick, demolished like a bulldozer went through it all.

Crushed.

It’s like.. Taking a step back for awhile brings you right back to memory lane. But usually, it’s not a happy one. Your brain just naturally.. Brings you back to the ones where you were hurt. The most.

I don’t know.

I really don’t.

I guess holding on to a specific memory contributes to the amount of pain one is caused during that trip down memory lane. It sucks to know that the person you first had feelings for.. Just, wasn’t there anymore. I guess? Like it was a completely different person. Crushed.. Of course you’re crushed. It’s like some other person took over them completely. Forever, maybe. &it was all because of that little distance. But then again it makes you think, you see.

Was it really because of that little distance that caused it all?

Or is it simply because.. You’re taken for granted.

Or maybe they’re finally showing their true colours?

All these questions comes to mind, one after the other a little too fast. Confusion sinks in. Depression. &then you start thinking that maybe it was your fault? Maybe it was cause you weren’t doing your part? Maybe that was the cause of the distance?

But when you think about it more.. No. You tried your best. You did your part. You wouldn’t let your ego or pride engulf your whole nature up. It’s because you value the relationship more than.. Your ego. I guess. You were willing to do just about anything. But then again, you didn’t want to seem too desperate or clingy.. Then I guess,

everything started sinking in.

You don’t think you can possibly go a day without that person. Right? You did everything you could to save what was left of the whole thing, right? I mean, you did your best. It didn’t work. &then it hits you, from all the thinking. That person probably couldn’t care less.

That’s when you feel even more stupid..

Horrendous. Terrible. Shittier. Numb.

You feel like you were just someone to go to when the person’s just looking for someone to entertain them. They get used to the fact that you’ll always be there for them, whatever happens, waiting. You just feel shit. Like, really shit. From all of this pondering. That’s when you had to pick yourself up &start setting priorities straight. You can’t make someone your happiness. You know you can’t anymore.

But somehow, you can’t help but keep that little fire of hope ignited behind all these defenses. It still burns behind all these logical&rational explanations. You hope in the future that they would change,& everything goes back to normal once again. That hope that they’ll just turn around, shut you up &said,

hey. What can I do to fix things? Or something like, I’d want to make things right.

Some assurance that shows that you’re not a toy. You’re someone worth it.. Worth fighting for, despite how cliche that sounds. But then again, you know they’re always bound to repeat the same mistake. The same thing. All over again. Because that’s just who they are. The person who was born like that, I guess. &that’s just you getting your heart ripped out in a blink of an eye.

No one said it was easy. It’s so far from easy. You wish you could easily walk away from it all, or take it as easy. You then feel even more worthless, knowing the fact that they can actually live a day without you. If it’s easy for them to live a day without you, it wouldn’t be a problem if it’s 2 days. Then it’s 5 days. A week. A month. 6 months. 1 year. &the list goes on.

Then I guess, you’ll be forgotten by then. Over the amount of new people they meet. New friends.

That’s where you’ve got to pick yourself up, the small pieces up, put them together, chin up, head held up high, &smile.

You know that’s the only option you have. You would tell someone how you feel. How you actually, really feel. But then you’re smart enough to know that the last thing you’d want is to drag your friends into your trouble, or to drag them down. As low as your self-esteem. You’ve just gotta stay strong. There are more bigger problems than yours in the world. You’ve got to stop being extremely sensitive &dramatic. It’s not an option anymore. You just have to.

I didn’t mention anyone’s name but I’m sure you’re already thinking about that specific person’s name, right?

Woah did this post turned out overly emotional.. &to think I was going to be casual about it. Haha x

x

Tuesday Mar 3 @ 11:05pm

Your voice is like a nice cup of hot chocolate with marshmellows in them, pancakes, and the sun shining in the East.

I need to wake up to it every morning.

Sunday Feb 2 @ 11:22am

I just entirely gave up on watching The Notebook online

Online streaming’s wait is just

frustrating

you know

now I’m going to wonder for the rest of my life -until I ever get the chance to watch the whole movie- about how I just missed out on one of the most precious & romantic movie ever

Nevertheless, the first few minutes of what was successfully loaded was worth the wait

I mean, c’mon, Ryan Gosling

u are worth everything


Wednesday Jan 1 @ 04:15pm
Powered by Tumblr :: Themed by Fusels